October 4, 2014
a muse, a something. anything. i have no muse anymore as i sit here in my room listening to music blast in all directions. the glow of the lamp by my door and the spider lights illuminate this room. snow patrol’s open your eyes in my ears but i’m not really listening to the lyrics, just the instruments. this bed was shared with you once upon a time and it seems like those times are long gone. you were in my life for a little while and now you’re gone. everyone told me i should’ve waited, i should’ve healed a bit more, but of course i jumped head on to something that eventually tore my heart into tiny pieces. how is that even possible? you didn’t know my stories, you didn’t know me as well i wanted you to. perhaps our paths will cross again and perhaps they won’t.
how am i supposed to sleep in this bed that we shared? in this bed in which you had taken me whole, scars and everything.
i thought you were going to be good for me.
but it turns out my biggest fear is true.
»»» i am good enough to fuck, but not good enough to love.
i’m too emotional.
i wouldn’t know what to do if you ever knocked on my door again.
perhaps cry, perhaps have my heart jump out of my chest again like that one day when you showed up to my job to leave me treats with that stupid smile of yours which i grew to love.
we were better friends than whatever it is you wanted to call us.
which fucks with me because it all changed when we hooked up for the first time.