January 2011
On Christmas Day, I was talking to some random guy as he lay in a hospital because he had broken his back playing water polo. He was really depressed about it, considering he was left in a foreign country with no friends or family to be with him on Christmas Day. He was also really upset because he had just been signed with a professional team, but could no longer play because of his injury. ...
On Christmas Day, I was talking to some random guy as he lay in a hospital because he had broken his back playing water polo. He was really depressed about it, considering he was left in a foreign country with no friends or family to be with him on Christmas Day. He was also really upset because he had just been signed with a professional team, but could no longer play because of his injury. ...
December 2010
if you ever get sad, listen to “you’ve changed” by sia. it is an absolutely AMAZING song. i am dancing by myself in my room, and it is three thirty in the morning. do i care? NOPE :) some guy just told me i have an amazing voice and that i sing like lauryn hill. i am ridiculously happy right now. that’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me. thank you, josh.
if you ever get sad, listen to “you’ve changed” by sia. it is an absolutely AMAZING song. i am dancing by myself in my room, and it is three thirty in the morning. do i care? NOPE :) some guy just told me i have an amazing voice and that i sing like lauryn hill. i am ridiculously happy right now. that’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me. thank you, josh.
if you were an object, what would you be?
I would be that journal you carried through those bad years, pages scrawled with chicken scratch and dog eared into submission. Marked with smudges from when the back of your hand passed over the still wet ink. I would be the words you poured into its covers, worn from use. I would be the pages you forgot to fill when your days were good and your eyes were dry. The book that will sit beneath...
if you were an object, what would you be?
I would be that journal you carried through those bad years, pages scrawled with chicken scratch and dog eared into submission. Marked with smudges from when the back of your hand passed over the still wet ink. I would be the words you poured into its covers, worn from use. I would be the pages you forgot to fill when your days were good and your eyes were dry. The book that will sit beneath...
I was kidding when I said that if you didn’t like the idea of friends with benefits we don’t have to be friends. Now I can’t help but feel a bit used.
I was kidding when I said that if you didn’t like the idea of friends with benefits we don’t have to be friends. Now I can’t help but feel a bit used.
1 tag
it’s hard to talk to someone who just lost their father. it’s hard to find a way to tell them that you heart has been breaking every moment for them and that they’re constantly on your mind, in your dreams, leaving little reminders of their sorrow in the conversations of strangers overheard on the street and stupid little cliches that people use without even considering what their really mean.
...
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it’s hard to talk to someone who just lost their father. it’s hard to find a way to tell them that you heart has been breaking every moment for them and that they’re constantly on your mind, in your dreams, leaving little reminders of their sorrow in the conversations of strangers overheard on the street and stupid little cliches that people use without even considering what their really mean.
...
just when i get comfortable, just when i start to open up, just when you start to get to know me - real me, not introductory me - i get the urge to run away burn it all down, start again, run away run away run away i hate leaving everything behind, but it kills me to stay i’m sorry babe. i do love you. i think that’s why i’m leaving.
just when i get comfortable, just when i start to open up, just when you start to get to know me - real me, not introductory me - i get the urge to run away burn it all down, start again, run away run away run away i hate leaving everything behind, but it kills me to stay i’m sorry babe. i do love you. i think that’s why i’m leaving.
1 tag
Perfection.
Lord know’s if this’ll get posted. I honestly don’t care. Yesterday was one of the best days in my life. He is perfection personified. I whine and I bitch about everything constantly. I have a gig’s worth of crying in my digital journal. And yet, now, I am as content and happy as I could feasibly be. I see all the customary whining and sadness and insecurities on tumblr, and I just smile, because...
1 tag
Perfection.
Lord know’s if this’ll get posted. I honestly don’t care. Yesterday was one of the best days in my life. He is perfection personified. I whine and I bitch about everything constantly. I have a gig’s worth of crying in my digital journal. And yet, now, I am as content and happy as I could feasibly be. I see all the customary whining and sadness and insecurities on tumblr, and I just smile, because...
I feel unsatisfied with my life as far as the social aspect of it. I don’t really like some of my friends from high school anymore just because I’ve changed and see how close minded and prejudiced they are, whereas I just tried to ignore it before. I tried to get them to stop, but you can’t change people that don’t want to be changed or who refuse to recognize that they even have a problem in the...
I feel unsatisfied with my life as far as the social aspect of it. I don’t really like some of my friends from high school anymore just because I’ve changed and see how close minded and prejudiced they are, whereas I just tried to ignore it before. I tried to get them to stop, but you can’t change people that don’t want to be changed or who refuse to recognize that they even have a problem in the...
1 tag
I remember exactly how it felt, lying there with you. Completely naked, in your bed. With your arms around me and my hand on your chest and my head on your shoulder, I remember how that felt, I remember the smell of your blankets and the fabric of your boxers bunched up beneath the both of us, I remember you talking on the phone to my mom, sitting nude on the edge of the bed, whispering “I love...
1 tag
I remember exactly how it felt, lying there with you. Completely naked, in your bed. With your arms around me and my hand on your chest and my head on your shoulder, I remember how that felt, I remember the smell of your blankets and the fabric of your boxers bunched up beneath the both of us, I remember you talking on the phone to my mom, sitting nude on the edge of the bed, whispering “I love...
My lips are so chapped that they bleed when I smile. Therefore, my knight in shining armour should be prepared with a tube of chapstick.
My lips are so chapped that they bleed when I smile. Therefore, my knight in shining armour should be prepared with a tube of chapstick.
I’m sick and tired of wondering things. I’m tired of never getting the answer to these things. I’m tired of people telling me I’m wierd. People giving me looks. Most of all though, I’m tired of feeling selfish. People who whine about their lives disgust me, people who cry about the simplest things confuse me, however I find I do this things at some time or another. ...
I’m sick and tired of wondering things. I’m tired of never getting the answer to these things. I’m tired of people telling me I’m wierd. People giving me looks. Most of all though, I’m tired of feeling selfish. People who whine about their lives disgust me, people who cry about the simplest things confuse me, however I find I do this things at some time or another. ...
1 tag
Nothing bad happened. Nothing went wrong. Today should have been a good day. I just did what I’ve done every day for the past five days. The past five days when I was happier than I can remember feeling. “I would prepare myself for a fall,” he said. And I thought, that’s negative, maybe I’ll stay this way for awhile, maybe even forever. Maybe all the bad shit is behind me. But in the course of a...
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Nothing bad happened. Nothing went wrong. Today should have been a good day. I just did what I’ve done every day for the past five days. The past five days when I was happier than I can remember feeling. “I would prepare myself for a fall,” he said. And I thought, that’s negative, maybe I’ll stay this way for awhile, maybe even forever. Maybe all the bad shit is behind me. But in the course of a...
1 tag
my pajama pants are way too damn tight. i’ve been a vegetarian for a few months now, but all that’s ended up making me crave and eat sweets more… so fuck. i don’t remember what it feels like to be in love. it’s been i think 1.5 yearsish? since i’ve broken up with my boyfriend. we dated for a year or so. i was really in love then. it was your usual, horrible...
1 tag
my pajama pants are way too damn tight. i’ve been a vegetarian for a few months now, but all that’s ended up making me crave and eat sweets more… so fuck. i don’t remember what it feels like to be in love. it’s been i think 1.5 yearsish? since i’ve broken up with my boyfriend. we dated for a year or so. i was really in love then. it was your usual, horrible...
i knew you as the guy that my friend liked and then she told me about you guys went on a few dates but then nothing happened from it because you two are different people and wouldn’t work but she still likes you, did you know that? anyway i saw you at that party and my drunk mind thought you were incredibly cute but i didn’t want to pursue anything because of my friend but then we went...
i knew you as the guy that my friend liked and then she told me about you guys went on a few dates but then nothing happened from it because you two are different people and wouldn’t work but she still likes you, did you know that? anyway i saw you at that party and my drunk mind thought you were incredibly cute but i didn’t want to pursue anything because of my friend but then we went...
I always write here, I always have something to say. I always try to write about something in the back of my mind rather than what I think about all the time. I don’t want to sound cliche, but I don’t even give a fuck anymore. I miss them. My two exes,who happen to be best friends. One was the one I thought I loved, and still do. That one was the one that knew so much about me, I was so...
I always write here, I always have something to say. I always try to write about something in the back of my mind rather than what I think about all the time. I don’t want to sound cliche, but I don’t even give a fuck anymore. I miss them. My two exes,who happen to be best friends. One was the one I thought I loved, and still do. That one was the one that knew so much about me, I was so...
all the people who love me are from far away, and usually are lost. i am home for the holidays, home after a full nine months absence. a baby was conceived and born in the time it took me to return. there’s been so little moonlight and so much light pollution. for once, i feel distant, not wrapped and tangled in the emotional threads my friends and family wove. that was a web i ran away to...
I wonder if people can tell that I am slowly decomposing. That my eyes are heavy and my cheeks are now embedded with the copious amounts of tears that have spilled at the worst times. I wonder if anyone can feel the sadness that ebbs through me every time my heart pulses, and I wonder if they question me. I wonder if they can’t find reason just like me, I wonder if they’re just as confused. And I...
1 tag
i feel sad and i cry. i feel sad and i draw. i feel sad and i write. i feel sad and i eat. i feel sad and i cut my hair. i feel sad and i clean. i feel sad and i read. i feel sad and turn the music up all the way.
i feel vulnerable and i buy the shirt in an extra large. i feel vulnerable and i don’t respond to text messages. i feel vulnerable and i take photos. i feel vulnerable and i sleep. i...
2 tags
my best friend stopped talking to me and I don’t know why. she just up and stopped responding, looking, acknowledging. and I would be totally fine with it (most days I miss her like hell, but I can deal with it), but no one in my school has even noticed. not the mutual friends we still share, not the teachers who used to see us walking to class together, not anyone.
my other friend just got...
2 tags
my best friend stopped talking to me and I don’t know why. she just up and stopped responding, looking, acknowledging. and I would be totally fine with it (most days I miss her like hell, but I can deal with it), but no one in my school has even noticed. not the mutual friends we still share, not the teachers who used to see us walking to class together, not anyone.
my other friend just got...
My sheets are anticipating the moment you return, begging for your sweat to stain the masses lying on their surface. Its the holiday season, and you’re home, but… not here. A strange occurrence considering the way the year has been, something I’m thankful for, but albeit, strange. The stuffed animals that almost seemed human-like as they watched us cuddle on the same bed, miss you. My out of date...
My sheets are anticipating the moment you return, begging for your sweat to stain the masses lying on their surface. Its the holiday season, and you’re home, but… not here. A strange occurrence considering the way the year has been, something I’m thankful for, but albeit, strange. The stuffed animals that almost seemed human-like as they watched us cuddle on the same bed, miss you. My out of date...
i lie every single day to the only people that love me i lie to my father, who thinks i’m still his innocent angel I care what you think of me, I can’t disappoint you i lie to my mother, who think i’m supervising my pot head friends I don’t want to hurt you more than you’re already hurting i lie to my brother, who thinks i hate him more than anyone I believe in...
i lie every single day to the only people that love me i lie to my father, who thinks i’m still his innocent angel I care what you think of me, I can’t disappoint you i lie to my mother, who think i’m supervising my pot head friends I don’t want to hurt you more than you’re already hurting i lie to my brother, who thinks i hate him more than anyone I believe in...
i despair, fully despair, of ever being happy. but i know what it would do to everyone i care about if i killed myself. so i exist in misery, and i slowly destroy myself with spirits and smoke and malnutrition, and i tell myself i’m being kinder to everyone. doubt creeps in.
i despair, fully despair, of ever being happy. but i know what it would do to everyone i care about if i killed myself. so i exist in misery, and i slowly destroy myself with spirits and smoke and malnutrition, and i tell myself i’m being kinder to everyone. doubt creeps in.
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I was a whore
in another life.
I can feel this want,
deep inside me.
It’s a need to hold someone,
to touch someone.
I feel a crave
to pull on my harlequin mask,
and dance my burlesque charm.
To hide my eyes,
and reveal my lips.
I feel a need
to whisper sweet nothing
into the ears of
the attention thirsty-throng.
To scream my joy
to the highest of rooftops.
It’s a deep carnal...
1 tag
I was a whore
in another life.
I can feel this want,
deep inside me.
It’s a need to hold someone,
to touch someone.
I feel a crave
to pull on my harlequin mask,
and dance my burlesque charm.
To hide my eyes,
and reveal my lips.
I feel a need
to whisper sweet nothing
into the ears of
the attention thirsty-throng.
To scream my joy
to the highest of rooftops.
It’s a deep carnal...
1 tag
Seeing you that night literally hurt.
I was already racing around, making sure everything was perfect.
I turn around and there you are. Arms open.
I know we’re the kind of friends that hug, but I wonder.
Do you ever notice the nuances of my hugs.
The way I put my arms under yours and bring them up.
As if I’m trying to pull you right into my chest.
The way I press into your neck.
The one...
1 tag
18
It was December 18th and I was 18. I musta had much more than 18 fluid ounces of Smirnoffs starting around 7:18 which the majority of 18 idiots could tell you is a dumb idea. I’m sure I felt great for half the 18 sets of 18 minutes, but the other half, I must have thrown up 18 times and cursed 18 gods. I shouted some 18 things about my momma, Cristina, how I didn’t wanna die and how they were good...
Everyone always writes about love.
My eyes trace the words. My brain barely focuses. My heart doesn’t comprehend any of this anymore.
I think the pain of not loving anyone is worse than the pain of loving somebody who doesn’t love you in return.
I miss unrequited love. I would settle for that at this point.
Hell, I would love that.
I
would
love
the
hell
out
of
that.
...
1 tag
I wonder if anyone would notice if I disappeared. If I slipped away into the night. Forever. Just getting lost. Maybe falling off a cliff because it’s so dark and I’m just stumbling through and I have no idea where I’m going. I don’t know. I don’t care anymore. I’m through. I want out. Now.
1 tag
I wonder if anyone would notice if I disappeared. If I slipped away into the night. Forever. Just getting lost. Maybe falling off a cliff because it’s so dark and I’m just stumbling through and I have no idea where I’m going. I don’t know. I don’t care anymore. I’m through. I want out. Now.
mostly, i’m sick of the sleeplessness. herbal teas and melatonin pills seem to do nothing and i have had three hours sleep since two days ago, and i was tired, but now i am so so awake. i laze on the couch, listen to sleepysad songs to make myself miss someone enough to want to sleep, to want to dream about them. but i never dream about them anyway. i never dream about anyone i know, with...
so sometimes these words pop up when i am writing. and i don’t know where they come from. for that one split second when my fingers are trying to catch up with my brain as i type away at one thing or another they pop up. they’re just these strange, complex words that i somehow insert, subconsciously. and when i look back at them, when i stop writing and look, i have to look them...