the ocean of consciousness

what is a stream of consciousness?
1. a literary technique that presents the thoughts and feelings of a character as they occur
2. the conscious experience of an individual regarded as a continuous, flowing series of images and ideas running through the mind
(in other words: just type your guts out. if you don't want it to be published on the site, please mention that.)

aubrey

mia

theoceanoffiction

i just realized i’m always stuck between two extremes.

not sleeping at all or sleeping for 12 hours.

eating 200 calories or 4000 calories.

doing my homework three days early or procrastinating on it so much that i ditch school and turn it in late.

noticing a pattern yet?

this can’t be healthy.

i think this is the kind of thing people go to therapists for. but i can’t go no. i can’t go because i’m so weirdly secretive? that’s not the right word but whatever. i’m so weirdly secretive/protective about my identity and who i am. i never tell anyone anything or even let people know about my actual feelings or let anyone in or hm this sounds cliched. it probably is. anyway, where was i. oh right, so i never tell anyone anything because of reasons you can probably imagine and i can’t even tell a therapist anything. so really, a therapist would be a waste of time and money.

i think that’s my excuse for not getting better. staying fucked up is easier than getting better. at least in the short term, but as evidenced by my extremes, i can only ever think in the short term.