It’s been about 3 years & some odd months since we broke up.
It’s clear. Crystal clear.
That you’ve moved on & I’ve moved on.
You moved on to one of my best friends from high school & I moved on to someone that had hurt me a whole lot more than you ever did. Which is surprising, seeing as I thought that was impossible to all extents. But then we were over & I moved on from him.
Slowly, we started to reconnect & we found that we could actually be friends. Lots of events from the past were brought up & we cleared the air & we became friends. Not best friends, not close friends, but arms length kind of friends. & I was okay with that.
We started talking again & soon it started to feel strange. For a few conversations in, I actually thought as to whether I had feelings for you or not. & months later I have still yet to figure this one out.
You confided in me & told me that the girl that you were with after me is your soulmate & that you wanna marry her & all these other things. ((Even though this was a few weeks after you telling me how you didn’t see her that way anymore & you never will & that the two of you were just friends. How stupid was I to believe your lies again?))
& yet, here I am, not wanting to lie..
I got jealous.
I’m not too sure why but I just feel like it should’ve been me, I suppose. Why couldn’t I be the one you fell in love with like that? You told me that I was the first girl you’ve ever felt those kinds of feelings for, that you’d never fall out of love with me, that you’ll always care, no matter what.
& I guess since I broke your heart then those promises got voided.
I don’t know how to tell you that those things upset me. Especially since I can’t find the reasoning behind it. Especially since I am with someone else & I feel like feeling this way isn’t the correct way to feel at all.
This too, shall pass.
