I am so tired of constantly having to keep everything in and be okay on the outside 

The reason why I manage to become a sobbing, shaking mess whenever someone confronts me or something or someone angers me is because I never let my emotions out or let people know how I feel and so everything comes tumbling out in one heap. I always seem to know how I feel on the inside but I can never explain it to anyone because I won’t make sense or it won’t sound accurate. 

I’m tired of not knowing what to say or how to make people feel better. I can listen. I can’t talk. 


what she said :”are you okay? You’ve been really pissed of lately.” 
What it sounded like: “stop being such a moody bitch. Stop projecting your anger onto people. Shut up and be happy for once.” 

I always seem to say the wrong thing to everyone and I always make everyone angry and frustrated and everything that comes out of my mouth is always misinterpreted and not what I mean. 

I told him to be open when I haven’t even been open with him myself. I’m hypocritical. I want to tell him everything but I can’t because I’m scared he won’t know how to react or know what to do and I don’t want him to do anything other then let me feel okay with him I’m scared to tell him because I’m scared he won’t be able to do it but I shouldn’t expect anything from him. 

I’m selfish. I’ve learnt not to expect anything from anyone anymore because you’ll just end up disappointed and feel shittier than you felt before. 

I expected it to be different this time. Hearing your voice and hearing you talk didn’t sound like the person I spoke to who wanted us to be a couple and was hurt when I wanted to be friends and wanted us to be more than that. The person who was angry and who said that I pretty much destroyed them. 

I want to be serious for once. Not completely to the point where we talk in a fucking monotone but I want to talk to you about you. I want you to talk to me about you. You know all these things about me. When you were listing all those things, all I could think about was how much I don’t know about you. What do your parents do? What do you want to do when you grow up? Did you make friends on the first day? Was it hard? What are your panic attacks like? Have you ever thought about me sexually? What are your thoughts on religion? How often do you think about me? Were you really self conscious in year eight? Did you actually think you were fat? (you weren’t.) Why do you stay up talking to me? How’d you get that scar? Why won’t you tell me? Do you trust me? What are you afraid of? What did you want to be when you were a kid? What’s your favorite place? Colour? Word? Band? Song? 

Why do you like me? 

Because I sure don’t.