i feel sick.
i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me. i’m not supposed to be feeling this way.
sometimes i look at my life and i think “really? this is your life? this is how things are?” and i want to
i don’t know why i feel this way. yes, i do. i lied, i totally know why i feel this way. i just don’t want to deal with it.
i feel this way because you’re talking about your problems openly and you’re getting (positive) attention and i’m jealous because nobody NOBODY knows about my problems (not even someone online or anything jesus) and i crave attention so much it hurts and i’m not getting any.
i’m jealous of you.
and that’s why i’m angry.
god i crave attention so much it makes me sick. i hate me everything this.
it’s so stupid. i crave attention like… i don’t know i was going to compare attention to air but then that sentence didn’t really work out so what i’m saying is, i need attention like i need air. but the weird thing is i’m not like normal people who are fucked up and crave attention. see, i don’t do anything to get attention. because i’m too fucking obsessed (that’s right, obsessed) with how people view me and how people think of me and i don’t want people to think of me as an attention whore, however stupid that may be.
so i’m stuck in that in between space. inbetween? whatever. i’m stuck in between. limbo! that’s the word. not libido.
so there you go. that’s why i’m angry at you. i guess. fuck, this is stupid.
i hate me i don’t want to exist anymore not like this what if this whole post was some subconscious attempt to get attention? wow. that’s what it’s sounding like, probably.
fuck it, then. i might as well go all the way, right?
here goes:
i have an eating disorder. i used to cut myself. i struggle(d) with depression/anxiety. i am deeply fucked up. and i want you to feel bad for me and hug me and take care of me and i can’t even express what i want. i just want you to pay attention to me. and hold me.
i don’t even care who “you” is anymore.
how much do you want to bet i end up sleeping with anyone and everyone because i’m so desperate for attention and affection?
